The Power of the " Point"

The Power of the "Point"
I have spent a lot of time dwelling on my ability to prove a point.
This could be a situation where I argue, bully, condescend, and even stretch the truth, just to feel the false sense of power of being right. Why do we as head strong individuals feel the need to be the billboard of accuracy? Why do we strive to be the one true measurement of correctness? We almost always want to be the "go to person" with information, trivia , stats while being the foremost experts on love, relationships, and, my personal favorite, child rearing.
It is almost like a drug to me, when I have a conversation with the upper educated, to allow them the time to pontificate on every topic that his relevant to their chosen profession, or to have them explain to me why a square peg doesn’t fit into a round hole.
It’s not even about being right at that point. It’s about feeling "less than" or humiliated. So essentially I do my best to be informed or to at least present that I am.
It has to be about pride, right?
We all have it. We most likely feel anxiety and stimulation when it’s challenged. This too can be a dangerous feeling causing you to rant just to prove a point instead of the steady methodical"I know what I’m talking about" delivery.
Whether I’m talking or writing about what I believe to know or how I feel about a specific scenario or topic, I find that I can let the "pride thing" override the "fact thing". Passion for something should not put me so far beyond the point that my message is lost. But it has.
I feel sometimes that the art of presentation eludes me and my point is lost in the title page - as it were. So I have begun to step back a little, before I ruin what may be a valid thought or anecdote. This has taken some time, which my mother and wife could certainly attest to.
Being right is something that has and will continue to the bane of my existence. I know that my points are often valid and I also know that I need to find a way to understand and accept that I may be wrong or - at least - misinformed.
Pride has ruled my life and occasionally put me into corners that the only way out was to fight or flee: and flee is not really in my repertoire.
While striving for a euphoric "I’m always right and clearly you are wrong" existence, I have hit a few roadblocks. In retrospect I have learned much useless trivia and even some life lessons from my adversaries over the years. It is only now that I have learned to process and use that information to further my own ascension to the information thrown. Some would say it’s about time.
So my point is: Being correct, while satisfying, is much like losing your virginity. It’s way too short and somebody is clearly not going to be satisfied.

Being the Guy....

Being the guy: Choice, responsibility or false advertising?
I have spent 40 plus years working on my own personal take on so many things. Today I feel that it should be about the things I do and the things I should do... If I actually knew, would I be writing this?
A friend of mine said to me recently, "you don’t do anything for yourself."
So, I run through a list of things that weigh me down with responsibility and accountability and come up with things that I believe I do for myself. Painfully, it may be true. Eye opening as it is, I’m not prepared to give up things I do for my family, work place or outside agencies because I feel a huge sense of debt to them all.
Debt, in my mind, means that I must owe or at least be grateful for these things and the organizations which have allowed me to represent them. Clearly life is about family and representing, honoring, protecting and providing for them. This is a life long responsibility or debt that never gets paid up. This is the case for all of us.
I wonder if a mid life crisis revolves around responsibilities or the overwhelming urge to be remembered as "The Guy".
I am the guy. Truly. I feel that I represent organizations, friends, and family well.
I want to believe that this is enough, but I’m not sure. I don’t feel I need accolades or any monetary rewards or payment. "Atta boys" are usually fished for and not genuine, and, if I waited for all the paybacks from all those I’ve helped I would be waiting until my last days on this planet.
Something’s missing and I can’t pin point it. It’s frustrating and humbling because I always have the answers. I’m the guy. I should.
The time I spend with the people I care about seems to be more and more scarce. When I do, is the time I’m with them for me or for them? Is it "quality" if I am always distracted or mentally otherwise engaged?
At the very least, striving to make people (especially the two that matter to me the most) proud of me , I feel I have lost something . I wll touch on this as my journey continues, so keep reading.

My firstChristmas all over again

So the holidays come and they go. Presents come and expectations grow.
I wake early tip toeing out of my room hoping not to wake the parental units. You see, this year more than any I have questions. Thoughts that up until Thursday of last week I was never concerned with. You see my own realization has tainted my view of this totally awesome day.
Was it the secret of Christmas that motivated me all of these 9 years.? Was it the chance that I was actually gonna get what I asked for this year, the wind behind my sails?
I dunno. I’m nine…
Truthfully, I believe that the magic lies within my parent’s hands and hearts. Their words last week comforted me and my dads take on the "Secret Club" – a club whose members know the truth about Santa and whose job it is to protect those who don’t - was a valiant attempt at maintaining my innocence. The life long deception was not the reason for my unending tears nor was the fear of getting fewer parcels under my tree. Basically I have an understanding that the kid in me is moving forward, especially if, the topic is girls, politics or sports. I would love to have the knowledge that my parents have. Painfully, it's clear to me now I had to move on from that day to get to this day.
So I sit at the bottom of the stairs leading to my own personal Wal-mart. I can catch a glimpse of what looks like golf clubs. I see stockings traditionally placed on the mantle strewn about our couch. I climb another stair just to prolong my now overwhelming excitement. I sit back down and wonder "could I just go back down to my bed and wake a week or so ago?" when my realization was not even a thought. I know my parents would like this. I know that my brain doesn’t work in reverse and I also know that while I sit here pontificating about my recent discovery, the presents that my parents always put so much thought and effort into are awaiting me a just few short feet away.
I shout "Merry Christmas" at the top of my lungs just to let them know that I know my Christmas future is safe in their hands and hearts and that I will do my part to embrace my role as the new CEO of the "Secret Club".

Working the Relationship

I sit across the table from two of my closest friends, wondering why? How does something on the surface that looked so strong for so long, now be a broken mirage or a shadow of its former self.
Pain, trust and ultimately love are the key components of any serious adult relationship. While not being an expert, I have a hard time with the emphasis on sex in a committed love relationship. Sex can be awkward at times and dutiful at others.
Sex has a way of being the catalyst for the demise of a couple. If it’s made it to the adultery stage then there were likely warning signs so evident that the same blind love that moved both parties at the relationships inception, become the same blinders during this tumultuous and non-serendipitous time.
Relationships have been based on controllable factors, kids, school, finances, timing, change and other life responsibilities. There are also uncontrollable factors, like raw animalistic heat, positive energy and deep attraction physical - both emotional and intellectual. These factors have always had to work in conjunction with each other
Couples being right for each other find a away to move forward and show a willingness to succeed.
People need to feel needed, but when kids and family dynamics change, needs for both change and only together will couples find that balance or "euphoric glow".
Perfection is unattainable and bumps along the road are almost inevitable. Couples need to strive through these road blocks, rise above their own egos and go beyond their personal comfort levels to create something worth working at. This is not something that comes from dreams and hallucinations.
I have never subscribed to the belief that being apart is a great remedy to aid healing. Be
together or don’t. Your love and where the relationship stands should be only a concern of the couple in question: you.
Love is not a masquerade . It’s not some circus to be viewed as entertainment like the latest reality show. Love is private and personal and how it’s dealt with should be individually motivated and respected by everyone who bear witness.

Coaching

I wake up every winter morning and go through my list of things i have to do in regards to supporting my son's dreams of playing in the NHL. Maybe I should start by making him breakfast.

Firstly let me start by saying, I am in a unique situation as I have had the honor of coaching my little guy since day one.

As a coach for many years I have often said that parents ruin hockey for the kids. I truly hope, they can never say that about me.

Why must we as parents thrust our negativity and our un-educated and certainly biased opinions on our children when it comes to the game or how its played or how they are being coached.

Most of us coaches have dedicated thousands of hours to this task , lumped in with our regular responsibilities.

We as coaches volunteer for this gig, at times a thankless and under appreciated position. We do this without the need for parental praise or accolades . We do this firstly for the kids, ours and theirs. We do it for our love of the game, almost blind passion for this frozen playground.

We as coaches need to push in the direction our children/players want to go. We need to cheer when they stumble and grimace when they feel pain. Embrace their victories and educate from their losses. Lessons not easily taught and messages not always well received,but the responsibility is ours and a choice we as coaches made to be active and present in the lives of these young athletes. To coach is a gift and and i thank all parents for allowing us this valuable and precious time with their children

Most of the coaches I have coached with (20 years worth), have been parents and carry the burden of being both coach and dad.

It is a place if honor in my mind and the most pleasurable thing available to this humble dad.

Beauty in the Eyes of the Beholder?

Beauty in the eyes of the Beholder?
When we imagine beauty, what is the benchmark we use?
The way a woman is shaped, the tone in her voice, the sway of her back, the glint in her evenly spaced eyes. Maybe it is a sense of beauty or an understanding by her that she is beautiful therefore she emits the correct amount of pheromones into the universe.
Is it an action or a tangible commodity?
If I cannot see, can I appreciate the essence of it all?
Do I imagine a 10 being just that?
I smile when I hear her voice. I get a toothy grin when someone says her name.
When she holds our son and looks into his eyes, there is almost nothing more beautiful.
Many times I have seen her be kind and people are kind in return this must be a form of beauty.
Her eyes and the passionate look that only I have seen, true beauty.
A heartfelt caress and an inviting smile. The way she cries when her heart has been moved, obviously a beautiful moment.
Truthfully I want to elaborate on definitions of beauty, but when I imagine the word, action, action or feeling. I get side tracked and of course because I only imagine her.
If beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder; then it must be true, and I must be beholding

The Migraine

Migraines. Some medical pundits feel that these cranial anomalies can be caused by stress, bananas, weather changes, bad pillows, bad lighting or even some smells. Some of these same doctor types feel that these afflictions may be more psychological than physical.
Truthfully, after suffering these for many years and having watched many others much like myself limp along while the blades of steel run through their eyes, I feel that the only explanation that I can embrace as accurate and diagnostically correct is this: "It is all in your head"