My firstChristmas all over again

So the holidays come and they go. Presents come and expectations grow.
I wake early tip toeing out of my room hoping not to wake the parental units. You see, this year more than any I have questions. Thoughts that up until Thursday of last week I was never concerned with. You see my own realization has tainted my view of this totally awesome day.
Was it the secret of Christmas that motivated me all of these 9 years.? Was it the chance that I was actually gonna get what I asked for this year, the wind behind my sails?
I dunno. I’m nine…
Truthfully, I believe that the magic lies within my parent’s hands and hearts. Their words last week comforted me and my dads take on the "Secret Club" – a club whose members know the truth about Santa and whose job it is to protect those who don’t - was a valiant attempt at maintaining my innocence. The life long deception was not the reason for my unending tears nor was the fear of getting fewer parcels under my tree. Basically I have an understanding that the kid in me is moving forward, especially if, the topic is girls, politics or sports. I would love to have the knowledge that my parents have. Painfully, it's clear to me now I had to move on from that day to get to this day.
So I sit at the bottom of the stairs leading to my own personal Wal-mart. I can catch a glimpse of what looks like golf clubs. I see stockings traditionally placed on the mantle strewn about our couch. I climb another stair just to prolong my now overwhelming excitement. I sit back down and wonder "could I just go back down to my bed and wake a week or so ago?" when my realization was not even a thought. I know my parents would like this. I know that my brain doesn’t work in reverse and I also know that while I sit here pontificating about my recent discovery, the presents that my parents always put so much thought and effort into are awaiting me a just few short feet away.
I shout "Merry Christmas" at the top of my lungs just to let them know that I know my Christmas future is safe in their hands and hearts and that I will do my part to embrace my role as the new CEO of the "Secret Club".