Being the Guy....

Being the guy: Choice, responsibility or false advertising?
I have spent 40 plus years working on my own personal take on so many things. Today I feel that it should be about the things I do and the things I should do... If I actually knew, would I be writing this?
A friend of mine said to me recently, "you don’t do anything for yourself."
So, I run through a list of things that weigh me down with responsibility and accountability and come up with things that I believe I do for myself. Painfully, it may be true. Eye opening as it is, I’m not prepared to give up things I do for my family, work place or outside agencies because I feel a huge sense of debt to them all.
Debt, in my mind, means that I must owe or at least be grateful for these things and the organizations which have allowed me to represent them. Clearly life is about family and representing, honoring, protecting and providing for them. This is a life long responsibility or debt that never gets paid up. This is the case for all of us.
I wonder if a mid life crisis revolves around responsibilities or the overwhelming urge to be remembered as "The Guy".
I am the guy. Truly. I feel that I represent organizations, friends, and family well.
I want to believe that this is enough, but I’m not sure. I don’t feel I need accolades or any monetary rewards or payment. "Atta boys" are usually fished for and not genuine, and, if I waited for all the paybacks from all those I’ve helped I would be waiting until my last days on this planet.
Something’s missing and I can’t pin point it. It’s frustrating and humbling because I always have the answers. I’m the guy. I should.
The time I spend with the people I care about seems to be more and more scarce. When I do, is the time I’m with them for me or for them? Is it "quality" if I am always distracted or mentally otherwise engaged?
At the very least, striving to make people (especially the two that matter to me the most) proud of me , I feel I have lost something . I wll touch on this as my journey continues, so keep reading.